Get Behind Me, Fear

Yesterday Alissia and I attended a surprise party for her father's 60th birthday. It was nice to be with her family for celebratory purposes but that does not make them a less formidable clan of super extroverts... in fact, I'm quite certain it has the opposite affect. While I wouldn't call myself shy or an introvert, per se, comparatively, I'm a mimey hermit. Perhaps I exaggerate a tad, but Only a tad.

At any rate, I promised yesterday that I would do something I was afraid of and report back. While my morning activities actually fit the bill more accurately, I will still tell of yesterday's accomplishment as well. Someone at the gathering engaged in bossing me around several different times throughout the evening. My first instinct in interacting with this individual is pretty much always to bite my tongue, try to find compassion for their perspective and try not to cause waves. While I do believe that this type of response is often very loving, by my third run in last night, I needed to choose a different response. Due to the critical nature of most of this person's comments, I usually fear speaking my mind, however this time, when I felt that sense of fear overcome me, I simply stated what I intended to do and when they attempted to argue, I kept to my course of action rather than backing down.

And guess what? The world did not stop turning, in fact, I don't think that person was even especially put out, which means that all of the times that I have let their feedback motivate me to change course, usually unhappily, were probably unnecessary as well. While I certain have no intention of causing a ruckus just to cause one, I have decided that in interactions with this person, from now on I will state my intentions definitively and not waver. I'll report back if this ever causes any sort of problem but in all likelihood it will just produce additional freedom on my part.

This morning however, was a much more concrete example of stepping outside of my fear. Very good friends of ours came over for brunch this morning and since one of them is a Super Entrepreneur, we were requesting her feedback on a business we are thinking of starting together. While our dear friend is brilliant and very good at what she does, she is not overly spiritual or into self help literature, coaching, etc. Since that is absolutely what I am into, I always find it intimidating to talk about what I do/my vision for my future. I feel like talking about reiki, life coaching or writing novels all sound hokey/or like a pipe dream.

As she was talking with Alissia about her career background/goals for the next five years I felt that familiar feeling of intimidation and fear creep over me as I knew that I would be in the hot seat next. My inner critic was just starting to ramp up when a new thought occurred to me... Since she even remotely interested in the holistic healing/self help community, I am actually the expert in the conversation. (Well, Alissia and I both, but the point being, not my friend.) There was no reason not to talk confidently about who I am/what I do. Not that I should be intimidated by other healers or motivational speakers, but even less so with a friend who simply wants to help me translate wanting to help people into a bigger opportunity to create change.

I almost didn't recognize my own voice when I started answering questions about my background. I wasn't cowering or apologetic, I was simply me. It's not the first time that I've stepped around that particular fear (job interviews provide lots of practice), but I feel it getting easier each time. I look forward to the day when it's so old hat that it doesn't even cause a single butterfly in my stomach. Then it will be time to tackle Another fear. :)