Burning... Brightly or Out?

Disco Inferno

I've been there... that nice glowy candle to the right. That's me at the start of a new project, task, challenge, full of energy and ready to Get. Shit. Done. I'm singing Alicia Keys' song Girl on Fire and it feels like there is no stopping me. I am woman, hear me... yeah, you get the point. It feels great to be so passionate and on task. No, better than great, A-MAZ-ING. I'm trucking along, literally moving and shaking and then someone asks if I can do something for them. A naturally gifted multi-tasker and genuinely helpful (if sometimes a bit of a know it all) person, I'm pleased to have been consulted, so I say, "Of course" and amaze myself at my ability to juggle. A third big thing comes along and suddenly I'm spinning plates like a circus act. It truly is a sight to behold. I'm totally amazed at just how awesome I am at staying on top of it all until...

Burning Down the House

A few more projects, requests, challenges roll in and suddenly I've got too many irons in the fire -
or any other classic expression for over commitment. Suddenly what used to make me feel sooo proud of my ultimate cosmic powers just makes me feel tired, maybe a little cranky and stressed out. Did someone turn up the heat because I'm no longer singing Alicia and suddenly the backbeat to a Nelly song is bouncing along in the back of my brain. Uh oh... It's getting hot in herrrrr.

Like a Little Bit of Chicken... Fried

Before I know it, the soundtrack in my head is cranking out slow whiney melodies about being overlooked, unheard, unseen. What started out as an honest application of my super powers to make the world a better place has devolved into Kieta the Martyr with so many things to do and not enough time. And Oh. My. God. so and so didn't even ask what they could do to help me while I'm clearly running around stressed out. After all the times I have helped them, the least they could do is support me... not that I've asked. They should just know. Jerk faces.


Does this sound familiar? Have you ever gone from burning brightly to just plain burnt out? Looking back, I can see this pattern over and over in my life. The biggest difference now is that I know the warning signs for when I have taken on too much work that isn't my own. In fact, I can actually name one hard core red flag for me. Soda. I know, without a doubt that when I drink soda I feel ill later. Gassy, bloated, heart burn... you know name it. It's not pretty, yet if I'm feeling really overworked and under-appreciated, it's my beverage of choice. As a general rule I don't drink it, but I know that if I'm craving it, I have been neglecting my self care. Chances are I haven't been meditating, praying, journaling or even just spending some good snuggle time with my dog. While I'm running around trying to give the world everything I've got and then some, I'm giving myself the worst possible fuel and flat out ignoring the dummy lights on my internal dashboard screaming for some yoga, a swim or even a nice walk.

When I am doing any of those healthy activities, I'm usually grounded enough not to overcommit. The funny thing is, though, once I'm in the burning at both ends mode, I know the best way out of it is to choose some down time, to receive something instead of always giving and yet it pretty much always feels like the last thing I want to do. Thankfully, as time goes on (and with a little help from my coaches along the way) I have learned (SLOWLY) to stop listening to what I FEEL like doing and go with what I NEED. I wish I could say that I was perfect at implementing this, or that it was always a super quick turnaround but the truth is, even with all of my handy dandy coaching tools, sometimes that's just not the case. The upside to that is that I sure do know what it looks like in others and can definitely help you (just like my coaches have helped me) to create new patterns. If you're feeling burnt out, I would be More than happy to share some ways to recharge. I'm even working on an e-book of simple exercises that take 10 minutes or less. :)

In the meantime, if you're needing a little help with your balancing act, you can always click here to book a complimentary Discovery Session with me today. In our hour together, we can discover what it is you truly want, what is keeping you from having it and what needs to shift to get you there. Hopefully we'll laugh and bond over a shared view of the world too, but that's optional.

Or you can click here to sign up for my newsletter. Yep, Another newsletter... I know. BUT I promise not to flood your inbox. I only send out a newsletter when I have upcoming program information to share, funny stories I think everyone will enjoy or Discounts on my programs and services and who doesn't love discounts?!?

Time to get Real

Lately my inbox has been flooded with offers to listen to teleseminars, try out coaching programs and learn to live a happy prosperous sunshine and rainbow life. The promises sound glittery and full of hope, so I check it out only to hear yet another lifewasreallyhardbutthen I made it to the other side of glory and look at me now tale. Call me crazy but what I really want to know about was that part you strung together under your breath or glossed over with your magic spirit wand. How did you get your business from startup to multi-million dollar self help empire? And while you're at it, can you tell me about what you're currently struggling with because I'm just not buying it that you no longer struggle to keep the faith, like Ever.

I'm looking for a little more Real in my spiritual self help world and little less, as my beloved refers to it "airy fairy foo foo".

Here are just a few of the things I would like to know from all of the Tony Robbinses of the world (and no, for the record, it's not his offerings that I've been listening to so this is Not in any way a critique of his practices) and since I know that Tony doesn't read my blog, I would actually like to hear from all the various rungs of the ladder from brand new coaches to longtimers. If this isn't a space you're currently in (like ME sometimes), then can you please tell me about when you were and how you moved through it?!?

Do you see the sparkly and shiny efforts of other soulpreneurs and wonder why you are the only one who can't get your shit together?
Does everything need to be perfect before you take action?
Are you tired of faking it til you make it?
Do you love, love, love how you help people but resent your to-do list?
Do you possess hundreds of tools to move you forward but can't seem to apply them?

For the record, the term soulpreneurs was coined by my coach Lisa and I adore it... you know, people doing the work of their heart that they just Have to do or they aren't them. Some of you are nutritionists, hairstylists or energy workers - many of you are coaches like me. I'm looking for some honest and vulnerable feedback (if you've read my blog you know I'm willing to lay my crap out there just as much as my successes, maybe more) and maybe even a few of the questions you wonder about or the topics you wish were covered better. Let's all improve soulpreneurship, one blog comment at a time! THANKS!

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The Balance of No

"Oh and sweety, can you pick up my clothes from the cleaners before you take Timmy to soccer? Thanks, babe. You're the best. Love you, bye!"

CRAP. Another thing on your to-do list that you don't have time for... Where IS that Superwoman cape Kieta keeps babbling about putting down because, damnit, it would come in handy right about now!

Today I want to (re)introduce you to my best friend. No, not my fiancee or coach... the word NO. This little baby has saved me more heartache and headaches than I can count and I know this because ohhh my holy god did I used to fear it.

For the longest time I ran around trying to do any and everything people asked/expected of me because, DUH, I Needed them to Like me. Stay late at work, pick up your shift, let you leave work early, do your report for you, clean out your email inbox... the requests were endless and I did most of them or felt Incredibly guilty if I just couldn't swing it.

I wish I could honestly claim that my heart was in the right place and that I Joyfully went about all of these tasks, but since I was so tired and not respecting my own needs I was frequently unhappy, cranky and resentful. Is it any wonder that burn out was right around the corner?

As I write this I'm truly amused because looking back at this exact same time in my life I was responsible for teaching program participants and my staff members about Boundaries. I understood them in theory. Still do... they can just be harder to implement.



A good friend of mine just asked me some questions about boundaries and I went back and found something I wrote all those years ago. It seems like a good idea to share just a little bit of it with you here:

The most basic boundary setting word is no. It lets others know that you exist apart from them and that you are in control of you. For example, if you value honesty, then you have decided that honest interactions are a part of who you truly are and dishonest interactions are not. If someone then asks you to lie and cover for them so that they do not face consequences such as getting kicked out of their housing or losing their job it is an authentic expression of who you are to tell them that no, you will not support them in that way because it would not be honest. However, to give in and help them lie would be to dishonor who you have decided to be.

Unfortunately, we often get confused about our right to be ourselves in our desire to help others. Helping someone avoid negative consequences might seem like the nice or loving thing to do. However, when you have to go against your own values to help someone, you are denying the very nature of who you are. You are also doing them an injustice by keeping them from the opportunity to learn about themselves and life in persevering through the consequences of their choices.

Ok, so I was right on about the part of my right to say no when someone asked me to do something that wholeheartedly flew in the face of my values... but what about saying no simply because I was tired, needed a break or just plain didn't want to? Are those valid reasons to turn down a friends' request to help them move or attend their girls night out dinner party that doesn't even start until after my bedtime?

I used to believe the answer to that question was no. That I needed to suck it up, be helpful or sociable or whatever else because I owed it to the world to be a nice, kind and friendly version of myself who didn't disappoint people. For those of you who I have told no recently, you're probably struggling to make this picture fit, but I promise, it was true. I was the epitome of someone burning the candle at both ends.

What was missing for me (and I suspect if you're honest with yourself you'll see it's missing for you too if you find yourself in the same boat) was a concrete understanding of my own value. I'm not saying I'm too good to help move or show up to dinner parties, just that those things aren't always in my own best interest and if I don't guard my own best interest, who is going to keep being kind, sociable and helpful? Sometimes the best gift I can give is an honest no or no thank you and trust my friends/family/coworkers to respect me enough to not hate me for it. If I never speak up, how are they even supposed to know?!?

Stay tuned for another blog post where I talk about my-go to ways for phrasing No so that it doesn't remind me of the sound of my parents thwarting my teenage willfulness. This post has already gotten a little long. :)


Need a little more help figuring out what to say No to and how to do it? Click here to book a complimentary Discovery Session with me today. In our hour together, we can discover what it is you truly want, what is keeping you from having it and what needs to shift to get you there. Hopefully we'll laugh and bond over a shared view of the world too, but that's optional.


Or if you're not quite sure you're ready for a 1:1 with me yet, click here to sign up for my newsletter. You can stay in the loop about what kinds of things I'm offering and keep tabs on me, in the event that you ever do decide you'd like a discovery session. Yes, I Know... Another newsletter. BUT I promise not to flood your inbox. I only send out a newsletter when I have upcoming program information to share, funny stories I think everyone will enjoy or Discounts on my programs and services and who doesn't love discounts?!?

More Testimonials

Hi, My name is John Wheeler, and I am Kieta’s little brother.  I am her real little brother, not one of the tons of other people who think of her like a sister. I think that Kieta is one of the best big sisters around because she has played a very big role in making me who I am today.  I am the coolest person I know, and I give about 99 percent of that credit to Kieta.  When I was younger, I wanted to be just like my sister.  Kieta played water polo, so I played it.  Kieta swam, so I swam.  My sister gave me my very first pair of Vans.  They were her old pair that were super dirty, filled with fox tails, and were at least 3 full sizes too big for me, but I wore them every day.  Kieta has always done a great job of taking care of me.  While in high school, I would spend spring break in Arizona with her.  When seeking advice, my sister is almost always on the list for me.  Not only does she knows me very well, but she takes the time to really care about what’s going on with me.  She and I are a lot different in what we believe, but she has always been very supportive of me no mater what I choose.  I can’t think of anyone else in the world that I would choose to be my big sister. I'm very proud of the work she does and having benefitted from her playing such a major role in my life, I encourage you to work with her. She's the best.

-John

My professional relationship with Kieta quickly became a friendship due to her easy going nature. Our work was never just on one part of life, but whether discussing issues at work or my family life, Kieta always gave a perspective that I might not have arrived to alone. She is not only extremely approachable, which makes working with her very comfortable, but she has vast knowledge of a lot of topics, which she applies to help you find your own inner wisdom. I found the strength I needed to go through with my divorce and I have much better control when it comes to communicating with my ex-husband. I truly miss seeing and speaking with Kieta on a daily basis.
-Aiyana

At crossroads in my life I have often sought clinical therapy.  In therapy it has always been advised to me to seek a friend as a confidant and supporter in my life.  This has always been hard for me as being married and having a child, friends sometimes come last and the old friends I have had are not necessarily the type of friends for serious life contemplations.  This is my own fault as I have led somewhat of a tumultuous past and those old friends are not the healthiest to seek advice from.

Kieta is a great friend to have. When talking to Kieta, she not only gives me feedback, but in her infinite wisdom guides me to resources that can be helpful in certain circumstances, being the well-read person that she is. She led me to When You’re Falling, Dive by Cheri Huber. Between the book and our work, I regained a sense of perspective while learning to love myself and be comfortable in my own skin.

I can’t thank Kieta enough. She never judged me and was always there for me no matter how outrageous or ridiculous my circumstances were (by the way that is negative self-talk that I am learning not to practice). I am proud of the person I am, interesting life experiences and all… there is that better, Kieta?
-Marie

Having to write a review for Kieta's life coaching takes me way back. As someone who started off as my supervisor in the social work field and the one person who constantly challenged my thoughts and perception on the world, she has now not only become one of my best friends, but someone that I truly know I can turn to for guidance on anything from family, intimate relationships, to career advice.

Kieta has an amazing ability to recognize patterns of destructive behavior and thoughts and make you realize that the thought process affects all areas of life, not just personal or career alone. I have learned that to be truly at peace and have a balance, I need to accept and appreciate where I am in my life, at the exact moment. Having a true sense of where I am, where I have been and where I want to go is a struggle; it’s not easy. But I often find myself challenging my own thoughts and reverting back to conversations and advice from Kieta. It’s all about redirecting your thought process and going for it.

I have personally seen Kieta go through major changes in her personal life and knowing what I know of Kieta, I have no doubt in her ability to redirect positive change in anyone’s life.

-Nicole

Amber's Testimonial

I have never been, what one would call a “traditional” person.  I was not brought up that way, nor did I ever have the desire to be.  For me, it meant questioning things like, Why is marriage so important? Why do men need to make the money? Why do I have to believe in God? Why are subjects taboo, especially the ones everyone is dying to talk about?
 
Once I had my daughter, I didn’t necessarily want to be more “traditional,” however I wanted to provide a stable, loving environment with some structure that I always felt I lacked.  Everyone wants to do better for their kids than what they may have experienced, good or bad.  It was difficult to answer Alexis’ questions, once was old enough to start asking about God since I am agnostic and my version of God is not as well outlined as other peoples’.  I wanted to be able to explain God in a way that was not biased towards any one belief, but would prompt her to think of the unknown in an open minded way. I also wanted
to make sure she felt secure in her destiny or comforted that death would be something not to fear. 
 
Kieta suggested to me a book called The Little Soul and the Earth, I’m Somebody! written by Neale Donald Walsch.  It was perfect for my needs because it focused on the soul and less about God (however had God in it, which is what I wanted) and that there is forgiveness and understanding for yourself and others.  It teaches how it feels to be human and learning about the world and the magic it has to offer.  It gave Alexis an understanding that she was a part of something bigger than her, which was comforting. 
 
This is certainly not the only worthwhile feedback or input Kieta has provided over the course of our time together but it sticks out in my mind as one that really had a positive impact on my family as a whole, so I just had to share.

-Amber

Stephanie's Testimonial

If we’re fortunate in life, there are people we encounter who touch and enrich us.  If we’re truly lucky, we get to call them “friend”.   Kieta has become one such person for me.  She has seen me through much; from a divorce to a move across the world, among other experiences.  I certainly realize what a blessing she has been to me and I hope she realizes she has been a force in my life!  She is the rare individual who can nudge you to look deep inside and examine true motives and goals.  She inherently encourages you to be introspective without ever being judgmental.  Her insight is truly intuitive and I am confident her future clients will reap the same benefits as I have for years!

-Stephanie

Heather's Testimonial

Kieta has been a great resource for me in guidance and insight into my relationships with not only my husband, but friends and family alike.  She is amazing at listening to all that I have to say and then responding in a logical and thoughtful way.  She has walked me through situations with care and consideration, asking me questions along the way that lead me down a path to better understanding and insight that I had not seen before.  She has never told me what I wanted to hear to make me feel better, but its through her gentle and purposeful approach to any situation I bring to her that has allowed me to understand myself and those around me with better clarity.  Many times I am too deep into an emotion or situation to see, and that s when I know I can reach out to her and she can help me get through the weeds, identify the real problem or situation, and then come up with ways to move on from there.  

Kieta has helped me so much, and in so many ways.  She is actually the first person besides my immediate family that my husband and I told that we are expecting our first child! If I didn't have her in my life-I don't know where I'd be. 

-Heather

Jennifer's Testimonial

Let me tell you a little something about Kieta. She is more than just my coach, she is my friend. She says her work is like being a sister. Yeah... my real sister could take a few lessons! Her love and exceptance has encouraged me to take on things that I kept putting off because of fear and self doubt.
 
She’s not perfect but then again, who wants to work with someone who is perfect? a) they don’t exist and b) Even if they did exist, you’d just feel like crap telling all of your deepest thoughts and insecurities to someone who wouldn’t even come close to getting it. Besides, Kieta is very willing to share ups and downs of her own experiences to help motivate as well as hopefully guide you to steer yourself away from pain she caused herself. I really value her openness.
 
A weight loss surgery recipient herself, she helped me to work on loving myself, no matter how my clothes were fitting or if I had snuck some extra chocolate that wasn’t part of my diet plan. Her explanations of forgiveness, integrity and simplicity reminded me that I knew how I wanted to live my life. I didn’t need anyone else’s feedback and I didn’t need to beat myself up when I fell short, just get back up and recommit to my goals.
 
If I had to choose just one word to describe my work with Kieta it would be… Freeing. I have stopped being my own worst enemy and there is just such amazing freedom in that. Thank you, Kieta, for believing in me when I didn’t yet, for seeing me and holding up a mirror so I could see me too. Working with you is the best gift I have ever given myself. 

-Jennifer

Jaynie's Testimonial

For years I have been desperately chasing my own shadow, in hopes of coming to know my "Self."  I would catch glimpses in books, in seminars, and even in the context of professional therapy...only to feel like I was again chasing a ghost.  It was elusive, frustrating, and disheartening...as I always found myself back at square one: battling fear.  Uncertain and unsafe, I stashed away the real "me"...until I met Kieta.

Despite my virtual PhD in self-help, Kieta challenged me in ways that I couldn't just pick up in some book.  Her ability to create a safe space in which I could be the silly, messy, chaotic me allowed me to explore my fears without feeling misunderstood or judged.  Her questions were powerful, her feedback thought-provoking.  She provided comfort, she listened, she nudged.  She sat by as I cried, I yelled, I struggled.  And never once did she lose patience in the process...instead, she simply gave me the space and support to do the work that was my own. 

While I will always remain a work in progress, Kieta's guidance has brought me closer to knowing my true Self.  Her integrity, empathy, and authenticity has given me permission to blossom into the person that I know I am supposed to be.  I now live more authentically, and I am happier as a result.  I greatly credit Kieta for this awakening.

-Jaynie

Marigrace's Testimonial

I met Kieta at a time in my life when complete change was necessary. I was seeking to begin again, living my life free of the patterns that kept me trapped. Kieta's ability to sift through the distorted messages I was allowing to control my life, pushed me to recognize my goals and passions. Kieta's intuition and leadership qualities guided me to a life filled with all the freedoms I could only once ever imagine. Kieta provided an atmosphere or complete acceptance with the ability to naturally motivate me toward change and gently push me forward. Kieta is genuine, smart, emotionally intelligent, intuitive, fun and creative. All of these traits have helped me to be “The most awesome person I can be.” Give yourself the Honor of working with Kieta and watch your Awesomeness develop so you can live your life with passion and freedom.

-Marigrace

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God Made Chocolate for Days Like These

I know that I've mentioned it before, a handful of places on my site, but I work with a coach. Sometimes when I say this, people give me a tilted head, one raised eyebrow sort of look as if to say "Ummmm, aren't You a coach? Why don't you just coach yourself?!?" I get it. I used to think Just like that but then I started to pay attention to the number of doctors who smoke, therapists who are addicted to drama and self help gurus who are single and still looking for a great loving relationship. No judgment of these situations, just saying that knowing doesn't always convert into doing...

Somewhere along the way, it clicked. I can go to all the self help seminars I want, but at some point, I need accountability that happens outside of myself because let's face it, we all have those days where you think Fuck Suzy Orman and her damn money advice, I want those new shoes! (insert Weight Watchers/ I want a brownie or Dr. Phil/I just want to send my kids to military school... whatever seems most appropriate) Sometimes just having the tools available doesn't mean you want to use them. That's where coaches come in... sometimes the single most loving thing Lisa can do for me is call me on my whining and complaining and give me a good swift kick in the ass. (She totally rocks that way.)

Sometimes though, even having a coach around to whip me into shape isn't enough to get me actually moving. Sometimes I just plain and simply want to stay stuck. For the longest time I used to beat myself up for those kinds of days... the days where the schnarfy comments someone made Really got under my skin or where I spent far too many hours on Facebook. The sheer unproductiveness of it all made me want to dive into a gallon of chocolate ice cream and list off the countless ways in which I could be a better me. This, my friends, is what is known as resistance and/or contraction. It is Not a state of willingness to move forward. And you know what? Sometimes it's Exactly what I need, even if it doesn't look that way on the surface.

Contraction is our soul's way of saying we're not on the right path... maybe we've been pushing too hard and it's time for some restorative recharging. Maybe we're trying to force our way ahead in our business or our relationships and what's really needed is a perspective switch. The reasons for contraction can be endless but if you pause and ponder Why it's showing up and adjust your course, it's a tremendous gift.

Of course, if you're anything like me, the pause itself might involve a little chocolate, but I say that's a good thing. Heck, it's even gluten free! :)


If you're thinking that a little outside accountability is exactly what you need right now, click here to book a complimentary Discovery Session with me today. In our hour together, we can discover what it is you truly want, what is keeping you from having it and what needs to shift to get you there. Hopefully we'll laugh and bond over a shared view of the world too, but that's optional.


Or if you're not quite sure you're ready for a 1:1 with me yet, click here to sign up for my newsletter. You can stay in the loop about what kinds of things I'm offering and keep tabs on me, in the event that you ever do decide you'd like a discovery session. Yes, I Know... Another newsletter. BUT I promise not to flood your inbox. I only send out a newsletter when I have upcoming program information to share, funny stories I think everyone will enjoy or Discounts on my programs and services and who doesn't love discounts?!?