Another day of the #31dbc, another blog from my smartphone because my laptop is officially dead. My amazing friend, Moira, has loaned me a desktop computer but I'm at my in-laws' house for the fourth of July and I don't want to get busy and miss posting. Today I'm thinking about freedom, obviously inspired by the holiday but I'm pondering a more spiritual conception (and trying to block out George Michael because he is Totally back).
So, while the nation celebrates independence, I'm thinking about the ways we can free ourselves; forgiveness, perspective change, gratitude... they are all powerful tools and I've experienced amazing peace by employing them and yet I have other moments where I know I Could use them and choose suffering instead. Sometimes I am more invested in the story of how I have been wronged than standing in my truth and rising above.
Some of life's best teachers are those moments we would never choose to repeat. There is a very powerful educational quality to pain. Unfortunately, I've developed a lifelong aversion to pain. Avoidance or detachment has become my default when things start to overwhelm me. As my life feels like it is being taken apart, piece by piece, (hopefully to be reassembled in a better and more beautiful version) I'm choosing to stay present in the pain. It's uncomfortable, to say the least.
At times this week, I've genuinely wanted to scream until I had no voice, throw things just to hear the sound of them breaking and eat a convenience store out of junk food But I'm choosing not to. I may not feel big, strong or powerful in every moment but clearly the Universe sees me from a different perspective. It knows that everything going on only has the power to break me if I choose to let it and that I have the power to recognize all the brilliant moments in between the pain if I refuse to dwell on the negative.
Freedom is, plain and simply a choice. Many times before I have not chosen it, but I deserve better than that and the world deserves better from me. So in this moment (and as many more as it takes to weather this personal storm) I say. "From every mountain side, let freedom ring!"
Finding freedom in choices, balance and FUN. Breaking a few rules to things the way that my heart tells me (but nothing illegal!) and sharing the honest journey of a soul that wants to make the world a better place starting with myself.
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