Back in the New York Groove

Lately, I have been making time for everything but writing my blog. Time for moping, fear, doubt, busy work, even productive stuff that has to be done but not my blog. A couple people have asked me where it has been. My bbf has been in the wings encouraging me to get back to it and yet, I just haven't wanted to. Last night, Alissia asked me why I haven't been doing it when it was something I really loved to do. She reminded me of when I experienced a great sense of joy from posting daily and it felt like a lifetime ago, instead of just a little over a week.

I'd started to feel like the blog was just another obligation. Something I didn't want to do and "should". When I stopped to think about why I now felt dread and resistance to writing my blog a conversation from a week ago popped into my head. Someone who had read several of my blog posts offered some feedback on my writing style. Essentially, their take was that I come here to ramble, not necessarily engage in the art of blog writing. In the moment, I didn't give it  a lot of thought. Friday was such a busy day that when I didn't make time to post, I truly just attributed it to everything else going on.

When I wrote my post on Monday, about Sunday's big farm adventure, I found myself continually looking at how many paragraphs there were and thinking, "This is much too long. No one is going to want to read all of this. How can I pare this story back so I stop wasting peoples' time?"

Now to be clear, I am not blaming this change of spirit on the person who offered the feedback. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and I know that they didn't offer it with the intention of hurting my feelings. The much bigger problem here is that, without even noticing, I let my inner critic pick up that piece of feedback and begin to change how *I* feel about my writing. I became invested in someone else's truth instead of my own and I wasn't even aware of it.

I've made no claims to writing anything brilliant here. I've never said, "This blog will provide spiritual enlightenment in 5 minutes or less, if read every day." This is simply where I come to examine what inspires, distracts, motivates, discourages, informs my lifelong goal of just being ME. I do hope that my transparency helps those who read it, but then again, that doesn't really have anything to do with me. I come here to share my spiritual path and what you do with my rambling is your choice. I don't claim to have THE TRUTH, but I do come here to share MY truth. This blog might never change the world, but it Is helping to change me... into ME. I can't think of a better use for a writing platform and I'm recommitting to writing daily... here, the other blog or wherever I feel like I need to, but no more of this once a week nonsense. That's not ME. :)